The dawn of chemo 2. I am in a much better place this morning than last Wednesday. It is because the unfamiliar is known to me. I also realise that every Wednesday faced is one less to face. I praise God for His hand on me, for His encouragement that He gives to friends like Christa and Kay. They carry me in their prayers, along with so many others. Believe Church in Lawnton, have been fantastic and they have produced a variety of meals – so much love from that church and they are not even our church family. I pray a blessing upon them.
I have to giggle. When you have chemo they make you urinate at least 650ml of fluid before giving you the actual chemo. This is to ensure that the kidneys are functioning as the chemo has a tendency to settle in the kidneys and this can cause complications. To make the cells more receptive to the treatment the radiation has to happen first. Now because I am being treated for bladder cancer, you can’t be radiated with a bladder full of fluid, it has to be empty – otherwise I’d be a kettle (giggle). So my Wednesday routine is that I have breakfast and a drink, but not too much fluid so that I have a pretty empty bladder. You empty the bladder prior to going for the radiation treatment. So hubby would drive me on a Wednesday as you are not allowed to drive after having chemo – it can mess with you a little. I would go for radiation, then on the ten to fifteen minute drive to the oncology ward I will down as much water as possible so that I can start the treatment and not have a really long day at the ward. It was with great pride that I was able to comply with the required fluid production within half an hour of arriving at the ward. The sister would always say, “Wow, you have a great bladder.” She did not realise that she was speaking healing words over me! I love it when God uses others ignorance to encourage and hug us.
I praise YHWH that His hand is always on me, no matter where I am, what is going in or out, He is there – ever-present and ever lovingly-committed to me. WOW!! What have I ever done to deserve His love and mercy and grace?
As I sat before Him this morning He told me that I was born in England, educated in South Africa, matured in New Zealand and refined in Australia. He was talking about my spiritual walk. I come from a heritage of ministers from my mother’s side of the family and remember my granddad telling me that he prayed for me. Bless him and my beautiful Gran. I did my formative years in South Africa and went to a conservative boarding school in Paarl where religion was part of everyday and education – I am so grateful for this. At the time I hated it, but looking back it was His plan for me.
In New Zealand I had three amazing mentors in my life, Mr Wilson (principal of the school I worked at), Les Glover, he has since been taken to Heaven and Ps. Jaypee Bester, he is with the Lord too. It is here that I matured, began to see a new perspective and to realise that John 14:23 was a way of life and not a verse in the Bible.
Australia, glorious Aussie. It is here that I am being refined. Refined means to be made new. When refining metal it is heated to its boiling point – red-hot! The heat brings out the impurities and they rise to the surface to be skimmed off – removed. The metal is pure and has a higher desirability and value if refined.
Old metals can be refined making them pliable again, able to be remodelled, reshaped so that they have a new lease of life, a new purpose. The refiner can personalise the purpose of the new metal, forming it for His purpose! WOWW!!! Refine me Lord, take away the impurities that I may become a beautiful piece of metal, pure and pleasing in Your sight.
I think of a jug or urn that is shiny and new. The Owner uses it to serve others, the liquid inside is decanted from a storehouse and poured to others. The urn/jug is taken into the hand of the Owner and the purpose is decided by the Owner. No urn can fill or pour out by itself. The Owner treasures this urn/jug, filling it with new wine and anointing oil, to be used in the Kingdom, to bring glory to the Kingdom and the Owner. The jug/urn is submissive and trusts what is being poured in and out of it. Complete trust and faith that no matter how hot or hard the pouring and filling is, it is done by the Owner that cherishes the urn/jug.
You see , the Owner paid a price for the metal that needed refining, reforming and cherishing. The price was the life of His Son, it was a great price, but the Owner loved so much that He was willing to pay the price. The metal was refined in blood, blood of Jesus. That is why it is so beautiful, so cherished and so loved. You are that metal, urn or jug. In the Master’s hands you are unbroken, whole and strong. In the Master’s hands you are safe, you have a future and expectancy. You hold the blessings of YHWH, you are His choice and He loves you.
To be used by the Master, you need to be willing to submit and obey. God requires a careful listener, both ears turned to His voice, not one on the ground (earth) and one towards Heaven. This is a divided heart.
A submissive heart that trusts and knows that the Father loves you more than you could ever imaging or understand. A heart that desires to be with the Father, not for what He can do for you, but because of Whom He is. The difficult part is laying down yourself, picking up your cross and laying down your desires and will – if you do this often enough your will is overcome by His will without any sacrifice. All for You Lord.
Jugs and urns don’t have lids, they are open to receive and pour out. Are you putting a lid on your walk? It is time to realise that the walk is not always a breeze, sometimes the walk means you walk through the Refiner’s fire. I believe I am walking through this fire with this cancer treatment, but I want you to know that IT IS WORTH EVERY STEP and I am being refined, made beautiful and pure in His sight – that is my desire.